I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
