ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
