he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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