Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
