I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
