He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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