And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
