I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
