I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
