I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
