dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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