I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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