I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
