Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
