when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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