long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
