Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
