Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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