My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
