We got so high we made milksteak
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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