Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
