Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
