Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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