i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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