I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
