You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
