I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
