I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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