i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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