Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
