Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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