it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize