I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and she was petting her beer can
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize