well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
