dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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