Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dicks are not precious.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
