If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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