Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Someone signed my nipple.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
