Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
