Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
