did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
