Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
