you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
