DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
