alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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