I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
