You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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