Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need moral support for this bender
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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