Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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