remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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