You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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