Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
