i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
