I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
