6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
