The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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