i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
