Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
