I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
