we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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