i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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