can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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