apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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