I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
