apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
