Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
