I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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