So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
