ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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