So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
where are my pants?
in the oven.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
