apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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