i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
