I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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