tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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