Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
