I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
