There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
