Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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