Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
