I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's shark week go big or go home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
