some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
