Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
